polka-dotted deep truths

A recent issue of The Horn Book included a tiny little short story by M.T. Anderson as part of their special "Boys and Girls" issue. (Horn Book is about books for children and young adults.) At the risk of breaking copyright laws, I'm going to quote the story here- a lot of it, if you know what I mean.

Coloring Dinosaurs

By M. T. Anderson

One morning in the second grade, our assignment was to color dinosaurs. A girl in my class came over and asked me what color a Diplodocus was. Suddenly, all of the things that usually made me an outsider—I was pale, weird, vacuously dreamy, and read a lot of books—made me appear to be an authority.

I did know about dinosaurs. So I tried to explain to Shirley that really, no one knew what color dinosaurs were.

As I talked, I watched my fleeting authority evaporate in her cute button-eyes.

So I quickly amended, “But the Diplodocus, yeah, he was green with a brown head.”

“Okay,” she said. “Tyrannosaurus?”

I made something up.

One of her friends said to her, “You’re listening to something Tobey says?”

“Only about how the dinosaurs were colored,” said Shirley, confidently crayoning one of the most ferocious of the earth’s carnivores pink with green spots.

If only I had been man enough to realize it, here, laid bare before me, was the One Great Secret of Masculine Authority:

If you don’t know the answer, bray about the subject loudly and confidently, and maybe no one will realize that you’re a complete idiot. People would rather hear a really stupid answer than believe there’s no answer at all.

In case you didn't know, I looooove M.T. Anderson. See previous post for more info. But I digress.

It's a great, compact piece of writing, but it's his final kicker of a sentence that really got me thinking. As a Christian, I don't believe there's anything that won't be answered in time. However, accepting that the answer is basically unknowable this side of glory is almost as hard. The idea that we have no control over when or how some answers come can really bug us- or maybe it's just me. So we accept, and sometimes vehemently defend, our polka-dotted dinosaurs without really testing them, just so we have something to call our own, a fast food sack in the hand because we can't wait for the Thanksgiving feast, or maybe we fear it'll never come. I'm all for polka-dots and star-gazing, as long as I remember which things I really know, and which ones I'm making up.

I've had an apostrophe

The thing is...I kind of hate MySpace. There are a lot of people on MySpace, which makes it very successful for its purpose of social networking, but I don't like it. It's messy, and ugly, and not user-friendly, and I can't believe it's gotten as far as it has. Maybe I'll try Facebook, maybe not. I may give the newish site Virb a whirl. But if you're one of the people I keep in touch w/ over MySpace, be warned. My time there may be limited. Tom, no offense, you've always been there for me. But it's time to move on.

Ukrainian dance party

I just went outside to walk the dog and saw some crazy flashing lights in my Ukrainian next-door neighbors' window. All the lights are out except for a home version of one of those colored light ball things, sitting on what looks like a dresser by the window. Looks like a party, but sounds silent. What in the name of borscht are they doing over there??

amazing, indeed

The final song in worship this morning was "Amazing Grace," in a slightly updated style, but mostly the same as the original. My church is the kind of place where people sit or stand during worship, whatever they feel like doing. There was an older lady sitting behind me, and from what I've observed in the past, she's enough of a traditionalist that she doesn't usually stand unless someone says "please stand" from the front. But the first few words of the first line were still resonating when she got directly to her feet.

I understand exactly how she feels. Of all the meaningful songs in my life, this one still has the power to choke me up, at least a little, every single time I sing it. What is it about "Amazing Grace"? The lyrics, the music, the combination, or some inexplainable third element that makes it greater than the sum of its parts? A friend in grad school was on an ongoing quest to find as many melodies as he could that scanned well with the poetry of AG. His favorite success was the theme song to Gilligan's Island. Go ahead, try it. You know you want to. Same powerful words? Yes. The choke-up factor of that version? Not so high. I've never heard alternate lyrics to the AG melody, so I have no experience with reversing the experiment.

Whatever the reason, I'm thankful for it. The world is a better place with this song in it. And, of course, with the availability of said amazing grace. Nothing like the ring of incredible truth to make the meaning more, well, meaningful.

these are the places in my neighborhood

What's with you, man? You been eatin' at the Crazy Buffet?

(sorry about the camera phone-quality photo)

arming the primates

I was out in my car a couple days ago when I ended up behind this guy:




Yes, Mom, the car was safely stopped at a light when I took this picture.

In case you can't read that plate (I've been reduced to using my camera phone), it says "CHMPGN". Despite the fact that I lived in the city of Champaign for nigh on 3 years, this was not the first word that came to mind. Rather, I thought, "CHIMP GUN? What's that supposed to mean?" Other options might include CHAMP GONE, for a veiled Simon & Garfunkel, "where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio" kind of reference, or maybe CHOMP GOON. Or CHUMP GIN. In any case, putting an alcoholic beverage on your license plate seems like a gutsy move. It reminds me of a guy on the "Before We Go" blurb on the local news a few years back who used his initials: DWI. Of course, if the owner of this car gets pulled over, they could always claim it says CHIMP GUN. Because that's a much less conspicuous thing to say.

Best use ever of future perfect tense

Because it made me laugh, and because it's a good solid piece of satire, here's a recent Onion News Network segment:


Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster


My favorite line: What will I have done?